An old poem, written to rescue others which is ending up rescuing me...

The solitude of life glitters in an empty sea born of hope
creation dangles promise on a ruthless horizon
as we sense fulfillment coming but never arriving.
To ask a question of oneself is to persue perfection,
salvations' journey being one of inscrutable scrutiny,
an evasive answer that is essentially defined by the journey.
But to understand is to accept that we do not.
Nearsighted, relinquish your desire to identify the blurry void
stretching before you.
Instead, accept your limitations and realize that you have
labelled them falsely
For it is paradoxes that weave the world;
strength laced and buried in gold.
Unkempt words can be like thorns in the mind,
But a thorn has the power to wake us from even the deepest
slumber.

Be still, and know that He is God. And He loves you.

Mother's Day

Who am I? I am a compilation of all the people I have ever met. A mosaic constructed of my companions and expanded by my experiences. There are two people I can finger who have had the most contact with me in my lifetime, and therefore the most direct influence over my character. But only one of them showed me more about who I am through their accomplishments and faithfulness than through their mistakes. That person is my mother.

I am unsure how much I can attribute to her influence, but I suspect that the sum is far more than I could ever name. I know that she sang to me as a child, and now I love music. I know that she hugged me tightly and told me that everything would be all right, and now a hug feels special and comforting. I know that she was faithful to family and to the Lord while she raised me, and now I value family and Lord as she did.

I have not yet been a father so I can't speak from experience as to what a parent feels for a child. I can only speak as a child and describe what this child perceives that a mother feels for her child. This child believes that his mother would do anything for him, give anything that she had to support him if she believed it would make a difference in his life. This child believes that his mother will never leave or abandon him, no matter how far she travels or who enters into her life. This child believes that his mother is faithful to the Lord and will never cease to help him understand that the Lord is good and brings salvation and strength into his life. This child believes that his mother will never give up and will always persevere through thick and thin.

My mother left some very touching memories within me and when I reflect upon them I am filled with confidence. To know that the blood of my mother is within my veins is to know that I was destined for fatherhood, that I am secure in passing on a legacy of greatness.

"As the deer pantheth for, the water O my soul longeth after thee,
You O Lord are my hearts, desire and I long, to worship thee,
You O Lord are my strength my shield,
To you alone may my spirit yeild,
You O Lord are my hearts, desire and I long, to worhip you."

I finally found psalm 42 which had to be the inspiration for the first line of this song... you always did love the psalms mom.

You sang this to me as a child, probably bearing the hope that someday it would hit home that the song is more than just a bedtime tune or a pretty melody. I'd like to tell you that your hope has hit home, and it is more than just the song that I have learned. Age has a way of portenting understand, and every day I get older I seem to realize more of what you did for me. Each day I become more thankful for the foundation you built in my life. I will spend the rest of my life hoping to make you proud, for I know that in your eyes lies the favor of the Lord as well.

I leave you with a final portion of psalm, mom, with the assurance that you have taught me this verse even though you may not have said the words. Psalm 119, spoken by Taw, verses 169-176.

"May my cry come before you, O Lord; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O Lord, and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not fogotten your commands."

Wrapping up

Now I feel as though I have come to the end of something important, and the hardest part is before me. The last 2 series' of posts I went through was an evaluation of what the core of my life is, breaking down my world to the barest of forms and coming out as a newborn ready to face the world with newly defined principles and a new hope. My hope is to be able to keep that spiritual framework as the centre of my focus, to build and toil and grow my life in a partnership with God and allow myself to develop. But the hardest part is realizing that the end of the building of this framework is the beginning of dwelling in the framework. The first step in a life with God that will bring excitement, beauty, sorrow and loss... but through it all, joy that I am what the Lord has made me and fulfilled that I am able to call him my friend and companion and father.
I have just finished taking a brief hiatus from writing while entertaining a guest in my household, then visiting my sister in Oklahoma. The trip was an amazing experience and such a joyful period in my life. I'm so proud of the girl! I had thought that spending two days travelling to cash in one day of visiting my sister was absolute madness. Upon my return, however, I could not be more fulfilled with my experience, the people I met and the all encompassing grace of God that left me safe, secure and blessed in my travels.

Tiffany, your brilliance is a radiance of spirit that is your trusted companion, warming a room like a heating vent. Your walk is confidence, stupefying bystanders in your wake... rather than leaving others cowed by their own perceived inadequacy you inspire others to aspire for their own self-assurance and climb to heights you yet reach for. "Join me" your character calls, "and let us reach together for the stars". To have witnessed first hand your struggle through recent years and lent ear to your pains imparts unique insight into what you have accomplished. You have become strong in adversity and patient of tongue, ripe in wisdom and unbound by if not untouched by fear. Your degree is paper but your person is proof of graduation. The world lies before you and soon you set off to conquer it. The love of your family follows you, may it lend wing to you overseas and bring you safely home.

The Way The World Works - Part 8

Summary: God creates a partnership to complete us. A woman, created of flesh brought to life with the breath of God.

Genesis 2:20.5-25
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said,

"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Application: God goes through all of his creation, but finds no suitable helper for man. No relationship worthy of the support that man needs. So out of man, God creates woman. Of one flesh with man and undeniably a part of him. In this passage God makes it clear that he intended for man and woman to be a partnership. Brought to life by the breath of God. God tells us right from the beginning that marriage and the relationship between a man and a woman is under his blessing and is a strong part of our development and growth.
To me, this is the first marriage, with God giving us away as the father. He says himself that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. This is not God's ticket to vanish, leaving man in the hands of woman. But it is God's ticket to see man completed in body and in spirit. Man's partnership is man's completion, the partnership between man and woman being the essential ingredient in God's creation of humanity. He even leaves them with a parting wisdom for their marriage in mentioning that both man and woman were naked and they felt no shame.
This final wisdom of God in this passage is the basic truth of marriage. To be naked to one another, without secrets and without shame. To fully understand the entirety of your mate and be one flesh. To share all that is intimate and expose yourself completely to the other person. If we make a choice to be the people that God intended us to be from creation, there should be no reason to feel shame. We should be delighted to be just as God intended... what do we have to hide?